Loving Yourself is the Answer.

Dear Sheryl,
Two months ago I decided to end a relationship with a man who didn’t want to fully commit to our relationship. We dated for over a year and he never introduced me as his girlfriend when I clearly meet all the criteria. How do I stay strong? I know I’m really doing what's best for me but it hurts like hell. What can I do to make him see he's made a terrible mistake? How can I make it through the tough times? I really want him back even though I know I deserve more. I desperately need help making it through the day. Ms. Lonely

Ms. Lonely,
I applaud you for standing up for yourself and doing what’s best for you. You really do deserve more and your decision to leave the relationship was the right thing to do. There are several things you can do to cope during this difficult time.
Take it one moment at a time. Don’t think you have to be strong and get over him in a day or two. Take it one moment or one breath at a time. Focus on inhaling and exhaling. Before you know it your body will be able to breathe all by itself (like it does every other day) and you’ll be one step closer to focusing on lots of other things.
You must to take really good care of yourself. How have you helped others when they grieved the loss of a loved one? Did you cook for them? Were you there for them? I'm sure you did whatever you could to help them through this difficult time. Your job, Ms. Lonely, is to be there for YOU. Playing the blame game - especially when you're the target only makes you feel worse. Your number one priority has to be loving you. Watch your favorite comedies and treat yourself to an incredible spa treatment. It's also imperative that you surround yourself with people and things you love.
Buy a journal and pour your heart out on paper. This helps purge the grief and heartache in a healthy way. It helps if you do this first thing in the morning. It clears the brain of toxic thoughts that may cloud your day. Doing this saved my sanity and makes me grateful for all the happiness I now have in my life. No matter how bad my life gets - I know I have survived worse times. This is one of the best things you can do for you. Also understand there's no way you can make someone be something they're not willing to be. Wanting to change him is impossible. The only person you can change is you and that's just what you're doing by refusing to remain in that relationship.
Seek the services of a good Life Coach, Therapist or Read a few self-help book. Talking to a professional can speed up the healing process. It can also help you figure out why you were attracted to that type of relationship and keep you from repeating this pattern in the future. If you look closely at your relationship history you’ll discover this isn’t the first person you’ve dated someone who wasn’t been willing to be there for you in this type of relationship.
All the Best to you Ms. Lonely. Please know there is someone out there in the world willing and able to love you just the way you want and need to be loved. You have taken a Giant step towards welcoming him into your life even if it doesn’t feel like that now. Best of luck to you in your healing process. Someday you’ll see this was the BEST thing that ever happened to you. Please let me know when this happens. I Love Happy endings.

Recommended Reading:
Loving what is and I need your love is that true by Byron Katie
Calling in the One: 7 weeks to attract the love of your life by Katherine Woodward Thomas
The Art of Extreme Self-Care by Cheryl Richardson

Terrified of turning 30!

Dear Sheryl,
I’m terrified at the thought of turning 30 in a few months. I always thought I'd be much farther along in my career than I am and I don’t want to stay in my current job much longer. The thought of choosing another career for the rest of my life scares me. I think I want to teach and have begun researching graduate programs but feel incapable of making the right decision. I feel as if so much is riding on this decision. What can I do? I don’t want to waste any more time.
Too scared

Dear Too Scared,
You are about to enter one of the best decades of your life and there’s nothing at all to fear about that. First you need to find out why you’re afraid. After a brief phone consultation I discovered the problems are with your thoughts. You THINK you should be better established in a different career and that turning the big 3-0 means you're a failure. Reality suggest this isn't true. You are doing the work you should be doing because it's the work YOU ARE DOING right now!
From what I understand you successfully manage over 20 people and enjoy some aspects of your current job. You have begun taking steps to transition into your next career and that’s exactly how it’s done my little frightened one - one teeny tiny step at a time.
Your job is not to figure out the rest of your life by a certain age. It is to figure out what it is you want to do right now. Worrying about tomorrow robs you of the joy you could be experiencing right now and who wants to live like that? Planning and worrying are two different things. Planning helps you focus on your future by setting goals concerning what you intend to BE and DO with your life.
The next logical step after writing down everything you want do and be (You can download a free Wildly Improbable Goals worksheet on my website www.ruhappe.com) is to decide which goal you’d like to pursue first.
If it’s teaching you need to decide when you’d like to transition into that career then work backward from that date. Let’s say you decide to leave your current job in 2010 which means you have a year to finish any classes to become a certified teacher. You can research this on the internet as well as any available jobs in your area. Gathering information moves you towards achieving your goal and invites all sorts of miracles. That's the part I love the most.
Another option is to search for alternate certification programs. Some states allow you to teach full-time while taking free college classes.
The bottom line is that turning another year older should be celebrated. You have another year in which to enjoy your family, love your husband and marvel at how fast your kids are growing. When you think of it 30 is just a number. You get to decide how you live your life. You get to decide how you enjoy the multitude of moments that make up each day every year of your life. Here's hoping this is the Happiest Birthday you've ever had. P.S. Remember: You get to decide!

Recommended Reading

The Power of Now by Ekhart Tolle
The Joy Diet by Martha Beck
The law of attraction by Esther and Jerry Hicks

Making room for Happiness

Dear Sheryl,
I met this wonderful man and we’ve built a strong loving relationship with each other. My problem involves being with him AND being there for my kids - especially my 17 year-old son who dropped out of high school last year. I feel I need to put my kids first because they’re my top priority and I do just that. How do I balance both parts of my life so that I can be with the man of my dreams AND be a great mom? I really want this relationship to work yet feel unprepared to deal with my desire to be with him and constantly monitor where my son is and what he's doing. I also feel guilty about my son's refusal to go back to school or do anything productive in his life. Please help!

One Really Confused Mom

Dear Confused Mom,
After reading your letter I feel you may think you don’t need or deserve to be loved by a good man. I may be wrong about this and hope that I am. Cultivating a relationship with another human being is your birthright and you DESERVE to Love and BE loved in return.
Doing this will require honest and open communication with everyone involved: you, your man and the kids. You need to slowly introduce him into your family and have him do the same when you meet his kids.
Before you do this you need to do some soul searching and discover your feelings about being in this relationship. Is this something you truly want in your life right now? Is he someone you see yourself with forever? If so then you need to decide what's keeping you from committing to this relationship. Could it be that you're feeling guilty over your son's inability to finish high school and his lack of direction?
You don’t have to compromise. You have the right to live a fulfilled life and doing the groundwork is a small price to pay for lasting happiness with a good man. How do you begin? Answering the following questions might give you a little insight into what's causing you the most pain right now.

What do you want RIGHT NOW?

What’s stopping you from getting it?

In what ways is your answer to the previous question not true?

What’s really stopping you from getting what you want right now?

How would you be, feel, or think differently if you didn’t have that thought?

What can you do right now to start living forward and moving towards what you really want right now?

What can you do tomorrow?

What can you do the next day?

What can you do the day after that?

What can you do one week from now?

What can you do one month from now?

What can you do three months from now?

Honestly answering these questions will help you prioritize what's bothering you the most right now and allow you to get to a much happier place a whole lot quicker. Please know that you deserve to live a happy life and doing the work to get there is really worth the effort.

The bottom line is that dating AND parenting can be difficult and takes a lot of time and patience, You can make time and space for both parts of your life and there are lots of resources available on-line to help you. You can also check out books at your local library on this subject as well. Also remember seeking help from a professional Life Coach, or therapist will provide personalized assistance to help everyone through this transition. You’re not alone. There are approximately 20 million blended families in America and The American Blended Family Association estimates this number will increase to 130 million by 2010. Best of luck to you. Please let me know how it all works out.

Recommended Readng:
Loving what is by Bryon Katie
The Unmistakable touch of grace by Cheryl Richardson
Put your Heart on paper by Henriette Anne Klauser

What’s keeping you from living a Happy life?

For the past 20 years I've wanted to have my own advice column. For years I thought all kinds of thoughts about how this wasn't possible until one day I realized I could actually do it. Yes, this was quite a liberating moment for me and I asked my daughter to set up this blog and in just a few minutes my life long dream was a reality. All I need now are people with real problems for me to solve and that's where you come in. Are you in need of help and don't know where to turn? Would you like FREE Life Coaching? If you answered yes then today is your lucky day. The only catch is that you are willing to share your problem and my answers to your problem with the world wide web. If you’d like to submit a problem please send me an e-mail with your name, phone number (in case I need to clarify something you wrote) and your problem. My email address is sheryl@ruhappe.com. Your privacy is extremely important to me and I never use your real name or other identifying information for this blog. My main goal is to help you, and others live a happier life. Thanks so much for your support and I look forward to helping you live the life of your dreams.