Dear Sheryl,
I met this wonderful man and we’ve built a strong loving relationship with each other. My problem involves being with him AND being there for my kids - especially my 17 year-old son who dropped out of high school last year. I feel I need to put my kids first because they’re my top priority and I do just that. How do I balance both parts of my life so that I can be with the man of my dreams AND be a great mom? I really want this relationship to work yet feel unprepared to deal with my desire to be with him and constantly monitor where my son is and what he's doing. I also feel guilty about my son's refusal to go back to school or do anything productive in his life. Please help!
One Really Confused Mom
Dear Confused Mom,
After reading your letter I feel you may think you don’t need or deserve to be loved by a good man. I may be wrong about this and hope that I am. Cultivating a relationship with another human being is your birthright and you DESERVE to Love and BE loved in return.
Doing this will require honest and open communication with everyone involved: you, your man and the kids. You need to slowly introduce him into your family and have him do the same when you meet his kids.
Before you do this you need to do some soul searching and discover your feelings about being in this relationship. Is this something you truly want in your life right now? Is he someone you see yourself with forever? If so then you need to decide what's keeping you from committing to this relationship. Could it be that you're feeling guilty over your son's inability to finish high school and his lack of direction?
You don’t have to compromise. You have the right to live a fulfilled life and doing the groundwork is a small price to pay for lasting happiness with a good man. How do you begin? Answering the following questions might give you a little insight into what's causing you the most pain right now.
What do you want RIGHT NOW?
What’s stopping you from getting it?
In what ways is your answer to the previous question not true?
What’s really stopping you from getting what you want right now?
How would you be, feel, or think differently if you didn’t have that thought?
What can you do right now to start living forward and moving towards what you really want right now?
What can you do tomorrow?
What can you do the next day?
What can you do the day after that?
What can you do one week from now?
What can you do one month from now?
What can you do three months from now?
Honestly answering these questions will help you prioritize what's bothering you the most right now and allow you to get to a much happier place a whole lot quicker. Please know that you deserve to live a happy life and doing the work to get there is really worth the effort.
The bottom line is that dating AND parenting can be difficult and takes a lot of time and patience, You can make time and space for both parts of your life and there are lots of resources available on-line to help you. You can also check out books at your local library on this subject as well. Also remember seeking help from a professional Life Coach, or therapist will provide personalized assistance to help everyone through this transition. You’re not alone. There are approximately 20 million blended families in America and The American Blended Family Association estimates this number will increase to 130 million by 2010. Best of luck to you. Please let me know how it all works out.
Recommended Readng:
Loving what is by Bryon Katie
The Unmistakable touch of grace by Cheryl Richardson
Put your Heart on paper by Henriette Anne Klauser
No comments:
Post a Comment